I'm going to Chicago next week for the first time ever. Well, I suppose if you don't count the number of times I've had layovers in the O'Hare airport--then it would be 7,326 times. But I don't count any of those times, so you can't either.
I'm excited(ish) about the conference I'll be attending, but I'm even more excited about the delicious food and the giant metal jellybean that I'll be visiting.
I love you already, Chicago.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Oh. NO. You. Didn't.
Confession: I bought a Cosmo (magazine--I wish I bought the drink instead, but alas) when I was at the grocery store today. If you've seen one issue of Cosmo, you've seen 'em all, save for one or two articles...
One of those two articles was titled "The Sex Crime No One Talks About," then went on to discuss how women are groped, harassed, etc. at random (in the streets, clubs, parking lot, airplane! eek!) and feel violated, but don't feel they can/should report it. Many times, the police do little-to-nothing for the victims, partially because it's hard to track down a man who grabbed your breasts in a crowded room, but partially because...well, a host of reasons, including "she asked for it." I was appalled at the personal stories listed in the article, but then I started thinking about all the times stuff like this has happened to me and I didn't do anything about it. I didn't push the guy away from me, I didn't scream out "Hey!", I didn't tell the person next to me what had just happened--no, I stood there frozen, shocked, scared that something like that happened to me.
After I read the article, I started thinking about the most recent incident of being harassed when I was walking home from campus. A car full of boys slowed down as it passed me. One of the boys in the back seat rolled down the window and shouted "Damn girl! I'd tap that fat ass!" And if the shame of being called fat didn't outweigh my shame at the fact that I wasn't immediately upset that I was being shouted at in the first place-- the feminist inside me didn't immediately react; it was the words they chose that bothered me--they threw a cup full of God-knows-what at me. I think it was water. I hope it was water. Then they sped off. Tears blurred my eyes from being able to discern any characters on a license plate. I spent the next block holding back the sob that was itching to burst out of my throat until I was able to get home & collapse on my bed.
I didn't tell anyone about it immediately because I was embarrassed. Before I step out in public, not only do I try to hide the parts I hate about myself--my weight, my hips, my gut--I try to hide anything that might be deemed remotely attractive to keep asshole dudes from announcing their unwanted attention from their vehicles (or, hell, their own two legs). I do this so I won't be ridiculed. So I won't be laughed at. So I won't be mocked. So I won't be whistled at. So I won't be harassed. But you know what? I am anyway.
My embarrassment has taken a dramatic turn into anger. What gives anybody the right to comment on my appearance? Oh, you know what? Not a damn thing. Just because some dude thinks it's flattering to me because I'm oh-so-hot that he must roll down his window and lick his lips at me while honking his horn does NOT give him the right to do so. And just because some dude--or a car full of them--thinks it's appropriate to tell me that despite my weight, he'd like a chance at having sex with me does NOT give him the right to say it out loud.
For the boys who very mistakenly thought it would be appropriate:
1.) I am NOT a girl. I AM A WOMAN. I'd suggest you'd start educating yourselves on how to treat one.
2.) I am not fat. I have lost 25 pounds in the last two months and I know my "fat ass" looks goooood. Yes. 5-o's good.
3.) Just because it looks goooood does NOT mean you'll ever get it.
4.) Just because it looks goooood does NOT mean you can comment on how bad you want it.
5.) I am perfectly aware of how goooood I look and I do NOT need or want your affirmation. Your "affirmation" actually only makes me that much more insecure and afraid and pissed off. Keep it to yourself.
6.) I did NOT get dressed for you this morning or any other morning for that matter. I do NOT put on make-up or decide to go au naturale based on your preferences. Therefore, what you think matters enough to you to say aloud to me actually doesn't. At all. It makes me just want to punch you in the face.
7.) Next time you see an amazing woman walking down the street, I do NOT care how unbelievably amazing you think she is or she actually is--do NOT disrespect her. Keep. Your. Mouth. Shut.
8.) A woman--some woman, somewhere--brought you into this world. Don't make THIS woman take you out of it.
That is all.
One of those two articles was titled "The Sex Crime No One Talks About," then went on to discuss how women are groped, harassed, etc. at random (in the streets, clubs, parking lot, airplane! eek!) and feel violated, but don't feel they can/should report it. Many times, the police do little-to-nothing for the victims, partially because it's hard to track down a man who grabbed your breasts in a crowded room, but partially because...well, a host of reasons, including "she asked for it." I was appalled at the personal stories listed in the article, but then I started thinking about all the times stuff like this has happened to me and I didn't do anything about it. I didn't push the guy away from me, I didn't scream out "Hey!", I didn't tell the person next to me what had just happened--no, I stood there frozen, shocked, scared that something like that happened to me.
After I read the article, I started thinking about the most recent incident of being harassed when I was walking home from campus. A car full of boys slowed down as it passed me. One of the boys in the back seat rolled down the window and shouted "Damn girl! I'd tap that fat ass!" And if the shame of being called fat didn't outweigh my shame at the fact that I wasn't immediately upset that I was being shouted at in the first place-- the feminist inside me didn't immediately react; it was the words they chose that bothered me--they threw a cup full of God-knows-what at me. I think it was water. I hope it was water. Then they sped off. Tears blurred my eyes from being able to discern any characters on a license plate. I spent the next block holding back the sob that was itching to burst out of my throat until I was able to get home & collapse on my bed.
I didn't tell anyone about it immediately because I was embarrassed. Before I step out in public, not only do I try to hide the parts I hate about myself--my weight, my hips, my gut--I try to hide anything that might be deemed remotely attractive to keep asshole dudes from announcing their unwanted attention from their vehicles (or, hell, their own two legs). I do this so I won't be ridiculed. So I won't be laughed at. So I won't be mocked. So I won't be whistled at. So I won't be harassed. But you know what? I am anyway.
My embarrassment has taken a dramatic turn into anger. What gives anybody the right to comment on my appearance? Oh, you know what? Not a damn thing. Just because some dude thinks it's flattering to me because I'm oh-so-hot that he must roll down his window and lick his lips at me while honking his horn does NOT give him the right to do so. And just because some dude--or a car full of them--thinks it's appropriate to tell me that despite my weight, he'd like a chance at having sex with me does NOT give him the right to say it out loud.
For the boys who very mistakenly thought it would be appropriate:
1.) I am NOT a girl. I AM A WOMAN. I'd suggest you'd start educating yourselves on how to treat one.
2.) I am not fat. I have lost 25 pounds in the last two months and I know my "fat ass" looks goooood. Yes. 5-o's good.
3.) Just because it looks goooood does NOT mean you'll ever get it.
4.) Just because it looks goooood does NOT mean you can comment on how bad you want it.
5.) I am perfectly aware of how goooood I look and I do NOT need or want your affirmation. Your "affirmation" actually only makes me that much more insecure and afraid and pissed off. Keep it to yourself.
6.) I did NOT get dressed for you this morning or any other morning for that matter. I do NOT put on make-up or decide to go au naturale based on your preferences. Therefore, what you think matters enough to you to say aloud to me actually doesn't. At all. It makes me just want to punch you in the face.
7.) Next time you see an amazing woman walking down the street, I do NOT care how unbelievably amazing you think she is or she actually is--do NOT disrespect her. Keep. Your. Mouth. Shut.
8.) A woman--some woman, somewhere--brought you into this world. Don't make THIS woman take you out of it.
That is all.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Gush Part 1
It's (a little) late right now, but I'm wide awake thinking about how great my life is right now. Sure, I wish I had a member of the opposite sex to take me out on dates and tell me how awesome I am all the time, but I'm okay with the fact that I don't. My friends are pretty great & that's enough for me. Wait, that sounds like they're a consolation prize or something.
They're not. At all. They're amazing, which is why I'm taking the time to write this post to gush about them a bit (and because I'm not ready to start catching up on season 2 of "Glee" yet--yeah, I know I'm way behind).
I started hanging out with this one group of friends--three strong, funny, beautiful ladies and two dudes (just kidding--they're strong, handsome & hilarious, too) when we got together to play trivia during the summer. My entire summer was pretty rough because I had barely any cash coming in & my food pantry supply was dwindling at an astronomical rate. I thought I'd never crack open the 36 pack of Ramen noodles (bleh--I hate Ramen), but I did. I also thought way more optimistically about my cash flow situation because I gave the entire box of Ramen to a homeless man when I was only about three packs in. I thought he needed it more than I would, which wasn't exactly the case when I was staring at my pantry midway into the summer at only a can of kidney beans and a can of tuna. Okay, I actually had a roof over my head, so he did need the Ramen more than I did, but those ended up being some hungry days for me...
...until one of my friends stepped in. This friend (K) started inviting me out to dinner with her & her boyfriend (S) after we got off work some nights. I had known K since I moved here (she was actually one of the people who convinced me to come to KU), but we didn't really hang out much. I knew K & S were into sports and they had talked about going to some Chiefs games, so I figured we'd start hanging out more. Long story short, K ended up working this awful summer job with me. The only upside was that we got to know each other really well. K & S did everything for me to make sure I didn't starve that summer. I'm not kidding. They bought me lunches, dinners, gave me gift cards to eat. They helped me out immensely, despite the shame I first felt when I genuinely had to take them up on their offer(s). The shame quickly turned to gratitude because they never, ever made me feel guilty for the situation I was in. Their kindness is something I will never forget. I'm actually getting teary-eyed now as I think about what all they did for me during that time. Also, we share a love of chicken finger subs; if that doesn't say friendship, I don't know what does.
Which brings me to one of the other things they did for me: introduce me to their trivia crew. Oh. My. God. These are some of the funniest, smartest people I've ever met. Let's start with Lady L. At first I thought she didn't like me, but that's probably because I get really insecure around super smart people. And this woman is smart. I'm glad my feeling of shy awkwardness went away fairly quickly with her because she cracks me up. There might have been a time that we might have had a few drinks and might have been dressed in ridiculous (or awesome. or ridiculously awesome.) costumes and we might have eaten off the same popcorn ball a-la-Lady-and-the-Tramp that some people might still remind us about. Maybe. Ahh. Always good times with her.
Then there's Dude L. So. funny. I heard that he wasn't genuinely friends with a person until he got a little sassy with you. A few weeks after that, he got sassy with me & I've felt closer to him ever since. Although I admittedly don't know him nearly as well as K & S, the whole group gets closer during our bad movie nights and random get togethers, which means I'll get to know him better (let's face it--that makes me one happy lady). He's super nice and makes me laugh--hanging out with him & the rest of the group is always the highlight of my week, especially when he brings homemade delicious, amazing, chocolatey things to our get togethers. I had a workshop class with him before I got to know him outside of class & read some really strong, well-written pieces that were so heartbreaking/funny/real. I hope that someday my writing will evoke emotions the way that his does. (Yeah, all my friends are super talented. Jealous?)
And finally there's J who--nearly everytime we meet--makes me laugh so hard I pee a little. There. I said it. I hope to be half as good a teacher, mother, wife, and friend as her in my lifetime. I know I'll never be as funny as she is though (or even half as funny). One thing that I first noticed about J is just how confident she is at everything, which is why I frequently go to her for teaching advice (and pretty much advice about anything). I've gotten closer to her family as well--she's got two adorable children that I love to babysit. They're both quite a riot--super smart, funny, and beautiful. Just like their mom.
My birthday is next weekend. I'm having a music video themed birthday party & I know that these five peeps will bring it with their costumes. Yet another reason why I love them so much.
They're not. At all. They're amazing, which is why I'm taking the time to write this post to gush about them a bit (and because I'm not ready to start catching up on season 2 of "Glee" yet--yeah, I know I'm way behind).
I started hanging out with this one group of friends--three strong, funny, beautiful ladies and two dudes (just kidding--they're strong, handsome & hilarious, too) when we got together to play trivia during the summer. My entire summer was pretty rough because I had barely any cash coming in & my food pantry supply was dwindling at an astronomical rate. I thought I'd never crack open the 36 pack of Ramen noodles (bleh--I hate Ramen), but I did. I also thought way more optimistically about my cash flow situation because I gave the entire box of Ramen to a homeless man when I was only about three packs in. I thought he needed it more than I would, which wasn't exactly the case when I was staring at my pantry midway into the summer at only a can of kidney beans and a can of tuna. Okay, I actually had a roof over my head, so he did need the Ramen more than I did, but those ended up being some hungry days for me...
...until one of my friends stepped in. This friend (K) started inviting me out to dinner with her & her boyfriend (S) after we got off work some nights. I had known K since I moved here (she was actually one of the people who convinced me to come to KU), but we didn't really hang out much. I knew K & S were into sports and they had talked about going to some Chiefs games, so I figured we'd start hanging out more. Long story short, K ended up working this awful summer job with me. The only upside was that we got to know each other really well. K & S did everything for me to make sure I didn't starve that summer. I'm not kidding. They bought me lunches, dinners, gave me gift cards to eat. They helped me out immensely, despite the shame I first felt when I genuinely had to take them up on their offer(s). The shame quickly turned to gratitude because they never, ever made me feel guilty for the situation I was in. Their kindness is something I will never forget. I'm actually getting teary-eyed now as I think about what all they did for me during that time. Also, we share a love of chicken finger subs; if that doesn't say friendship, I don't know what does.
Which brings me to one of the other things they did for me: introduce me to their trivia crew. Oh. My. God. These are some of the funniest, smartest people I've ever met. Let's start with Lady L. At first I thought she didn't like me, but that's probably because I get really insecure around super smart people. And this woman is smart. I'm glad my feeling of shy awkwardness went away fairly quickly with her because she cracks me up. There might have been a time that we might have had a few drinks and might have been dressed in ridiculous (or awesome. or ridiculously awesome.) costumes and we might have eaten off the same popcorn ball a-la-Lady-and-the-Tramp that some people might still remind us about. Maybe. Ahh. Always good times with her.
Then there's Dude L. So. funny. I heard that he wasn't genuinely friends with a person until he got a little sassy with you. A few weeks after that, he got sassy with me & I've felt closer to him ever since. Although I admittedly don't know him nearly as well as K & S, the whole group gets closer during our bad movie nights and random get togethers, which means I'll get to know him better (let's face it--that makes me one happy lady). He's super nice and makes me laugh--hanging out with him & the rest of the group is always the highlight of my week, especially when he brings homemade delicious, amazing, chocolatey things to our get togethers. I had a workshop class with him before I got to know him outside of class & read some really strong, well-written pieces that were so heartbreaking/funny/real. I hope that someday my writing will evoke emotions the way that his does. (Yeah, all my friends are super talented. Jealous?)
And finally there's J who--nearly everytime we meet--makes me laugh so hard I pee a little. There. I said it. I hope to be half as good a teacher, mother, wife, and friend as her in my lifetime. I know I'll never be as funny as she is though (or even half as funny). One thing that I first noticed about J is just how confident she is at everything, which is why I frequently go to her for teaching advice (and pretty much advice about anything). I've gotten closer to her family as well--she's got two adorable children that I love to babysit. They're both quite a riot--super smart, funny, and beautiful. Just like their mom.
My birthday is next weekend. I'm having a music video themed birthday party & I know that these five peeps will bring it with their costumes. Yet another reason why I love them so much.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Wrapping up the Semester
I haven't blogged in a while so I feel I have to address my last blog entry-- turns out the first woman who was attacked was a big huge faker...but I'm pretty sure all one of you who reads this already knew that.
Anyway, I shouldn't be blogging, but I'm in the last two weeks of my first semester of grad school and I'm coming up with more & more creative ways to procrastinate on the mountain of work I have to do. Actually, I'm waiting to go to a meeting & I've decided that I don't want to start on anything I can't finish in the next 30 minutes before the meeting begins (it sounds logical in my head).
I wish I had something funny to blog about--like my preschoolers that used to call the ever popular breakfast pastry a "Hop Tart"...or that time when one of them woke up from his nap and loudly asked "What's that f#ckin' noise??" (there was no noise...I think he was dreaming)...or when one of my little boys informed me that he wasn't taking a nap that day because he "Just don't feel comm-ter-ble on that mat" (I gave him our oversized turtle pillow to sleep on instead that day & he went right to sleep). But I don't have anything funny. I haven't seen my preschoolers in months and I miss them terribly.
But I can rest easy as I try to plow through the remaining two weeks of school because I will get to see my preschoolers' sweet little faces after that as I plan to fill-in as their teacher during Winter Break. I only wish my current students were as funny as my preschoolers were, but college freshmen seem to only come up with funny excuses for a number of things pertaining to why they couldn't keep up with certain responsibilities.
Anyway, I shouldn't be blogging, but I'm in the last two weeks of my first semester of grad school and I'm coming up with more & more creative ways to procrastinate on the mountain of work I have to do. Actually, I'm waiting to go to a meeting & I've decided that I don't want to start on anything I can't finish in the next 30 minutes before the meeting begins (it sounds logical in my head).
I wish I had something funny to blog about--like my preschoolers that used to call the ever popular breakfast pastry a "Hop Tart"...or that time when one of them woke up from his nap and loudly asked "What's that f#ckin' noise??" (there was no noise...I think he was dreaming)...or when one of my little boys informed me that he wasn't taking a nap that day because he "Just don't feel comm-ter-ble on that mat" (I gave him our oversized turtle pillow to sleep on instead that day & he went right to sleep). But I don't have anything funny. I haven't seen my preschoolers in months and I miss them terribly.
But I can rest easy as I try to plow through the remaining two weeks of school because I will get to see my preschoolers' sweet little faces after that as I plan to fill-in as their teacher during Winter Break. I only wish my current students were as funny as my preschoolers were, but college freshmen seem to only come up with funny excuses for a number of things pertaining to why they couldn't keep up with certain responsibilities.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Random Acts of Violence
I have been known to suffer from irrational fears in my day. In fact, I'm dealing with moving past an irrational fear as we speak, but then I hear horror stories in the news or online that stops me in my tracks and I start to think maybe this fear isn't so irrational after all.
After hearing about the random act of violence on Bethany Storro of Vancouver, WA, in which a woman simply walked up to her, said "Hey pretty girl, you wanna drink this?" and threw a cup of acid in her face, I can't help but feel sick. Why anybody would commit such an atrocity is absolutely beyond me. Thankfully, strangers quickly rushed to Bethany's aid after the attack and made sure she got to a hospital. While Storro seems to be in relatively high spirits in the days after her attack, I am not.
Everyday since I heard of the attack, Bethany has crossed my mind at some point. I know she didn't wake up thinking "Today's the day that my life is going to change forever...and it's not going to be pleasant." Nor did Derri Velarde of Mesa, AZ consider how her life was going to change on the day she was attacked (on Friday, September 3, 2010), in what officials think is simply a "copycat crime" of the attack on Storro. She was as unsuspecting and completely helpless as anyone else would have been in the same situation. Scary.
No, I don't worry that I'll have acid thrown in my face or anything of the sort. However, these two attacks have exponentially increased my awareness in the fact that I am a woman who shouldn't go for walks outside too late at night, needs to keep my guard up as I turn onto a dimly lit street when I walk home, and look over my shoulder when I walk out to my car before getting in the driver's seat. As if I needed this reminder.
My heart goes out to these two women and I pray that their attackers are brought to justice very soon.
After hearing about the random act of violence on Bethany Storro of Vancouver, WA, in which a woman simply walked up to her, said "Hey pretty girl, you wanna drink this?" and threw a cup of acid in her face, I can't help but feel sick. Why anybody would commit such an atrocity is absolutely beyond me. Thankfully, strangers quickly rushed to Bethany's aid after the attack and made sure she got to a hospital. While Storro seems to be in relatively high spirits in the days after her attack, I am not.
Everyday since I heard of the attack, Bethany has crossed my mind at some point. I know she didn't wake up thinking "Today's the day that my life is going to change forever...and it's not going to be pleasant." Nor did Derri Velarde of Mesa, AZ consider how her life was going to change on the day she was attacked (on Friday, September 3, 2010), in what officials think is simply a "copycat crime" of the attack on Storro. She was as unsuspecting and completely helpless as anyone else would have been in the same situation. Scary.
No, I don't worry that I'll have acid thrown in my face or anything of the sort. However, these two attacks have exponentially increased my awareness in the fact that I am a woman who shouldn't go for walks outside too late at night, needs to keep my guard up as I turn onto a dimly lit street when I walk home, and look over my shoulder when I walk out to my car before getting in the driver's seat. As if I needed this reminder.
My heart goes out to these two women and I pray that their attackers are brought to justice very soon.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Climbing out from under a (Round) Rock
Well well... it's been quite a while since I've posted here. I've decided to pick it back up as much as I can because I'm not taking any writing workshops this semester.
"But wait!" you say. "What do you mean you're not taking any workshops this semester? Of course you're not taking any workshops this semester! You graduated college already, silly!"
Yup, I did. And now this girl's all grown up and in graduate school! Yee haw!
One month ago exactly, I left Round Rock, TX to move to Lawrence, KS. I'm currently an MFA student at KU and I must say that I absolutely adore this place. I love the people-- not just the locals. I mean my colleagues in the English department, the professors, the staff...everyone. I love my students (oh yeah, I'm teaching English 101). I love the campus. I love the near 60-degree angle hill I have to climb everyday to get to that campus.
And by "love the hill," I mean I hate it. Oh well, I should be in pretty decent shape by the end of my program.
Lawrence is now my home and I couldn't be happier. Okay, that's a lie-- I could be a little happier if I could catch a UT football game on tv every once in a while (hey--those burnt orange roots run deep).
Don't get me wrong, now. I fully support KU and will especially be doing so tomorrow at my first college football game (of many), but perhaps I should get some rest before I set out for such a long day tomorrow. The hill climb was particularly awful today & my calves are aching. Until next time...
"But wait!" you say. "What do you mean you're not taking any workshops this semester? Of course you're not taking any workshops this semester! You graduated college already, silly!"
Yup, I did. And now this girl's all grown up and in graduate school! Yee haw!
One month ago exactly, I left Round Rock, TX to move to Lawrence, KS. I'm currently an MFA student at KU and I must say that I absolutely adore this place. I love the people-- not just the locals. I mean my colleagues in the English department, the professors, the staff...everyone. I love my students (oh yeah, I'm teaching English 101). I love the campus. I love the near 60-degree angle hill I have to climb everyday to get to that campus.
And by "love the hill," I mean I hate it. Oh well, I should be in pretty decent shape by the end of my program.
Lawrence is now my home and I couldn't be happier. Okay, that's a lie-- I could be a little happier if I could catch a UT football game on tv every once in a while (hey--those burnt orange roots run deep).
Don't get me wrong, now. I fully support KU and will especially be doing so tomorrow at my first college football game (of many), but perhaps I should get some rest before I set out for such a long day tomorrow. The hill climb was particularly awful today & my calves are aching. Until next time...
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Kool aid, Kool aid-- tastes great. Kool aid, Kool aid-- where are you?
When my cousin was two or three, they taught her the "Kool Aid" song. If you haven't heard it, and I'm not sure if there are more lines to it, but it goes "Kool aid, Kool aid/ Tastes great!/ Kool aid, Kool aid/ Can't wait!" She sang it just fine for a couple days, but all of a sudden, when we told her to sing it, she would say "Kool aid, Kool aid/ Tastes great!/ Kool aid, Kool aid/ Where are you?" It was soooo funny and so adorable. I don't know how she mixed it up like that, but it was cute. We still walk around singing that line to this day.
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